


𝐂𝐑𝐘. | 𝐕𝐊𝐎𝐎𝐊

by SpookyChim



Category: Kpop - Fandom, bts
Genre: Anxiety, Child Abuse, Death, Depression, Gay, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, alcohol & drugs, bullimia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:08:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22414504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpookyChim/pseuds/SpookyChim
Summary: "𝙗𝙞𝙜 𝙗𝙤𝙮𝙨 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙘𝙧𝙮."
Relationships: Jeon Jungkook/Kim Taehyung | V, Jung Hoseok | J-Hope/Min Yoongi | Suga/Park Jimin, Kim Namjoon | RM & Kim Seokjin | Jin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	1. PLAYLIST

**Author's Note:**

> This book was written in a rough patch through my life. If you, or someone around you, connects with specific character’s with (whether it be an eating disorder, self harm, suicidal thoughts, etc,.) I very much request that this book is something you do not read. There are plenty of trigger points, and I just wish that everyone helps their mental health so no one is being hurt. 
> 
> Self love matters. Please, take care of your mental health.

[ some songs to get you through the book ] 

1\. Can You Hold Me • NF

2\. How Could You Leave Us • NF

3\. Colours • Halsey

4\. Gasoline • Halsey

5\. I don't exist • Olivia O'brien

6\. Demons • Jacob Lee 

7\. Saturday Nights • Khalid

8\. Lowkey • NIKI

9\. Daddy Issues • The Neighbourhood

10\. Don't Threaten Me With a good time • P!AtD

11\. The King • Conan Gray

12\. Another Sad Love Song • Khalid

13\. REM • Ariana Grande

14\. Love Me • 1975

15\. Rollercoaster • Bleachers

16\. Love Lies • Khalid ft. Kehlani 

17\. Never Fall In Love •Joe Antonoff, MØ

18\. Don't Take The Money  
• The Bleachers 

19\. Ozone • Chase Atlantic

20\. Sleepover • Hayley Kiyoko

21\. Ghostin • Ariana Grande

22\. Real Friends • Camila Cabello & Swae Le

23\. Hurt Somebody • Noah Kahan,  
Julia Michaels

24\. Million • SMNM

25\. King's Dead • Kendrick Lamar

26\. The Hills • The Weeknd

27\. Let Me Out • Jonghyun

28\. Scars To Your Beautiful  
• Alessia Cara

29\. Bloom • Troye Sivan 

30\. Mistletoe • Justin Bieber 

31\. Bboom Bboom • MOMOLAND

32\. Girl • The Internet

33\. Lucky • Chelsea Cutler

34\. Teenager In Love • Madison Beer

35\. 11 Minutes • YUNGBLUD ft. Halsey

36\. fake smile • Ariana Grande

37\. Blow your mind • Dua Lipa

38\. Lie to Me • 5SOS & Julia Michaels 

39\. Heartburn • Waifa

40\. I know what you did last summer  
• Shawn Mendes & Camila Cabello

41\. Snapping • Chungha

42\. Strawberries & Cigarettes  
• Troye Sivan

43\. Be Alright • Dean Lewis 

44\. Burn • Hamilton

45\. Good Side • Troye Sivan

___  
if anyone wishes to enjoy these songs, please listen to them with their respective chapters for the full effect ✨


	2. Gray Feelings & Forced Smiles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is where it all begins ;)

"Momma! Wait!" 

Taehyung woke up, his eyelids still feeling heavy and his body like lead. 

The house was silent, making him relieved. He didn't want Him to be up before he went to school. 

Time passed until he finally managed to drag himself from his bed, scratching his stomach as he slipped off his mattress and onto his feet, wincing from his bruises body. 

His legs screamed and his arms and torso felt sore, but that was no surprise. 

His life had been hell before he had even reached the age of four. 

Coughing, he slowly padded over to stand in front of a body length mirror and slip off his shirt, wincing at his tense muscles. The fabric dropped to the floor and Taehyung's eyes gazed over his pale chest, which looked as ugly as every single other time he looked in the mirror. 

Scars, bruises, cuts and scrapes scattered over his skin, overlapping each other in some places. Taehyung didn't even care anymore. It may seem sad, but Taehyung had seen his body beaten and bruised so many times, he had forgotten what it looked and felt like to have a healthy body. 

The teenage boy gently lifted a frail, shaking hand and lightly pressed down on one of the many bruises colouring his shirtless chest. A small spike of pain hit him and he had to restrain himself from pushing further just to feel more pain. 

Instead, he sighed before turning towards his closet and fishing out an oversized sweater, just wanting to feel one piece of comfort before he had to start his usual routines before school. 

His muscles ached and felt stiff. His father was definitely in a bad mood the night before. 

Taehyung sighed as he slowly made his way from his dimly lit room, rubbing his eyes and yawning due to lack of sleep. 

His body felt numb and his mind was almost blank as he walked through his small shabby home, the floorboards creaking, making him jump every time, praying it didn't wake the monster who slept just a room away. 

Taehyung's home was small, living in a poorer neighbourhood where the people you usually met would most likely be the ones who were addicted to some sort of drug or had committed at least one crime. The walls of his apartment were a once bright white, slowly becoming yellow due to different stains which also decorated everywhere he went. 

The smell of alcohol made him cringe, triggering memories, old and new, but Taehyung was used to the smell at this point. The odors of beer and cigarettes were all that filled his nose whenever he entered his home. He really did hope the smell never imprinted on his clothes, if so, he'd get a lot more attention than the boy would ever want. 

The house was silent and Taehyung kept his breathing light, taking every precaution not to wake the monster. 

He slowly made his way to the kitchen, his body adapting to the familiar feelings of the ache in his muscles and the fresh bruises. 

Taehyung tentatively opened his fridge, looking around at the old food that sat in his fridge. Instead of feeling hungry, he felt sick when he thought of eating. 

He closed the door. "Maybe later." He mumbled to himself quietly, turning to the cupboards to get a small cup of water before taking his pills. 

Grabbing a glass, he silently walked to the bathroom and filled it halfway, watching the water flow from the tap with an emotionless gaze. 

After his glass was filled with water, he searched the small medicine cabinet behind the grubby bathroom mirror. 

Before he even opened up the cabinet, he cringed at the reflection of his face in the mirror. His right cheek was decorated in beautiful shades of baby blue mixing with a light yellow. 

When the small door opened, creaking and making Taehyung's heart race, he was welcomed with over a dozen different pill capsules. Some belonging to his father, others were his own. 

He opened a few bottles to dump one or two pills into his hand. 

Taehyung sighed before popping his head back and swallowing two pills the colour of snow, he then downed a bright coloured pill, barely taking a sip of water before ingesting the medicine.

Checking the time from a cheap digital clock by the toilet, he knew he was just a bit ahead of schedule. 

That's good. Taehyung said, trying to keep his mind in it's happy place for the morning. 

He took that extra time to add some makeup to his bruise, using concealer and other cosmetics to hide the obvious hint about the abuse he received. He didn't want anybody's concern. 

By the time he had finished, the bruise was practically invisible and he looked normal once again. Taehyung practiced his grin, his fake smile looking so genuine due to the many years of practice. 

At this time, he had just a few minutes to get dressed before he had to walk to school and (hopefully) make it on time. 

Shuffling outside of the bathroom, he quietly tiptoed to his room, making sure to stay silent as he carefully shut his door, hoping his father would stay asleep for just a little while longer. 

His muscles screamed once the blank teen pulled black skinny jeans onto his small legs before tugging a dark shirt over top and a jean jacket to top off his look. 

Quickly looking into the mirror he walked away, not wanting to look at himself for too long. 

Who'd want to look at you anyways? 

He grabbed his textbooks from his nightstand beside his bed and shoved them into his bag before walking out, slinging it over his shoulder as he marched out of his room and out of his shabby apartment he called 'home'. 

Taehyung entered the school to feel a weight being thrown on him. 

"Yah!" He shouted, ticked at whoever threw him off, but his angry expression dropped once he saw his best friend standing in front of him with a wide grin on his face. 

"Jimin!" He groaned, sending him a glare before lightly slapping his laughing friend's shoulder. "You're so annoying!" He said, exasperated, but his ash blonde friend continued to laugh, unbothered by his grumpy mood. 

"Cheer up!" Jimin said, his smile hiding his pretty eyes. Taehyung smiled a little as he watched his friend chuckle to himself. 

Suddenly the two friends heard loud, boisterous voices through the crowd of students.

Instead of following the rest of the students and joining the crowd to see whatever the commotion was, Taehyung and Jimin continued on their way to their classes. 

Taehyung laughed at a joke Jimin had just said, smiling widely. He loved that feeling. 

The feeling of genuine happiness. 

If only he had more people to give him this feeling other than Jimin. 

These thoughts flew through Taehyung's brain as he smiled, a smile in the shape of a box. 

Though he did love the fleeting moments of laughter and smiles, Taehyung truly did long for the euphoric feelings and emotions he had felt in his early ages. Those were so long ago. So long since his life was actually happy and not the hell hole he existed in now. 

These thoughts hit his head and his smile continued, unaffected even though it was now partially forced. What could Jimin do anyways? He was almost as damaged as him in his own way. 

Subconsciously, Taehyung chuckled to himself at his last thought. 

I guess we're both just too fucked up beyond repair.


	3. Missing Reactions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a good day, smile at least once today and make sure to let someone important to you know they matter. <3

Taehyung POV

Time flew and Taehyung laughed with Jimin as they walked over to their usual seats at one of the tables in the school's cafeteria. 

Students buzzed around and laughed with their friends, loud boys shouted to each other, girls giggled, people crowding everywhere. It bothered Taehyung to have so many human beings near him, but he didn't let it show. 

"Apparently there was a fight earlier," Jimin said, picking at his food with distaste and obvious disgust shown on his face. "Remember that Namjoon kid?" He asked and Taehyung nodded, eyeing his food and pondering over whether he felt like eating or not. 

Taehyung glanced over to the direction of the most popular table of the cafeteria. Every person seated there was popular for some reason. Some were popular for all their fights, others for their looks, others for their skills. But no matter what they were there for, they were all jackasses in his opinion. 

Taehyung caught sight of the kid called Namjoon. 

The boy stood tall, with long legs and a big smile as he talked loudly with the other kids at the main table. His hair was dyed a light purple and his eyes were dark, but they twinkled as he smiled his one-dimpled smile towards all the girls around his table. Taehyung cringed and looked back at Jimin. 

"Yeah. So anyways," Jimin said, tracing figures on the table with one of his fingers. "I guess the dude got in a fight again. Isn't this the third time in just two weeks?" He asked and Taehyung stayed silent for a second. 

"I guess so." He chuckled and Jimin smiled. 

"How have your parents been lately?" Taehyung asked, and Jimin's smile fell. 

The ash blonde sighed. "The usual. Dad left for the night so I didn't have to hear their shouting for too long this time but it still sucked." The smaller boy pinched the bridge of his nose as he thought of his parents and their loveless relationship. 

"What about you and your dad?" Jimin asked, looking up towards his friend. 

Taehyung looked down at his lap. 

"Not good, I suppose?" The silence was his answer. 

"Well I gue-" Jimin was interrupted when he watched someone dump water on top of Taehyung's head, drenching his best friend. 

Taehyung stood up, his hair dripping and his clothes now sopping wet.

"Dude!" Jimin yelled at the boy behind Taehyung, who stood smirking as he waited for Taehyung's reaction.

The cafeteria fell silent as everyone watched with wide eyes, waiting to see if Taehyung would act out or cry. 

Would the boy get punched? Was the wet kid going to yell? Shout? 

Taehyung certainly did feel agitated now that he was drenched in cold water, but he didn't feel the need to get angry or cry. Anybody would feel embarrassed if they ever got water dumped on them in front of the school, but Taehyung honestly found it hard to express such strong emotions.

Instead of letting out tears as the whole school expected, he smiled. 

The school was silent as they watched the boys smirk drop. 

"I've had worse." Taehyung's deep voice came out, giving everyone shivers as he continued to smile such a genuine smile.

With that, he flipped his middle finger up to the boy before turning around and quietly packing his stuff then slowly walking out of the watching cafeteria, Jimin in tow as he sent death glares towards the boy, who stood shocked in front of the whole cafeteria. 

Where were his tears? Where was his reaction?


	4. Kim Taehyung, Who Are You?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just want to warn, that this story can get triggering and I will send warnings towards parts I find triggering, just to take caution. Stay healthy. Eat. Drink. DON'T SKIP MEALS. You're special to me and I cherish you so much~

Taehyung POV

Taehyung huffed as he squeezed the water out of his shirt in the school's sink. 

Jimin had lended the boy an extra pair of pants and a short sleeved shirt, but Taehyung insisted on keeping his sweater to cover his harmed arms from the world. 

The two friends already knew everything about each other's arms, so Jimin accompanied Taehyung in the school's bathroom, helping him ring out the water from his clothes. 

They both stayed in a comfortable silence, Jimin had nothing to say and Taehyung felt the same. It had been like this ever since they became friends in elementary school. 

They understood the meaning of the scars and bruises on the other's body. They understood when one of them didn't show up to school. They both understood each other. And neither of them would have it any other way. 

Jimin understood Taehyung's lack to express certain emotions. 

Taehyung understood the dark circles and the weak smiles Jimin wore. 

Their relationship was understanding and accepting. Never any strong questions or conflicts. 

"Do you wanna skip school for today, I guess?" Jimin asked, looking at his friend through the mirror. The two made eye contact and Jimin watched the boy smile his signature smile, making him grin as well. 

"Sure. How about we go to that arcade a few streets down?" Taehyung suggested, folding his clothes before lightly shoving in his bag. 

"Sounds good." Jimin smiled, his eyes turning into small crescents as the two boys exited the bathroom. 

They marched past the judging students who were all heading to their classes, each and every one surprised to see Taehyung smiling as the two walked out of the school's doors and towards the arcade a few blocks away from their school. 

"Damn it, Taehyung!" Jimin said as his best friend laughed, beating him for the seventh time at one of the many games that filled the dark and neon arcade. 

"It's not my fault you suck at these kinds of games!" Taehyung laughed as he destroyed Jimin at yet another round of one of their favourite games. The two of them clutched fake guns in their hands as they pointed them at the screen and shot digital zombies, the two of them laughing each time Jimin missed. 

"No offense, but you suck at literally any virtual game, my dude." Taehyung laughed as he patted his friend's back, the both of them now seated at one of the tables at a cafe a street away from the arcade. 

Instead of replying, Jimin drank his coffee and raised one of his small hands to flip the other off, making Taehyung chuckle. 

"What time is it?" Taehyung asked as he took a sip from his drink, enjoying the taste of the whip cream that was piled on top. 

Jimin checked his phone. "Oh shit!" He said, looking up at Taehyung with fear in his eyes. "School ended two hours ago!" 

The two of them stood up quickly and paid for their drinks before rushing outside. 

"Our parents are going to kill us." Jimin said, pulling his hair tightly as he threw the rest of his coffee in a garbage nearby, suddenly not wanting to drink anymore. 

"If not literally." Taehyung said, nervous. 

Jimin's parents were extremely strict and worked a lot, wishing for Jimin to be as successful as they were. If they ever found out that he skipped classes occasionally, Jimin would be in massive trouble. 

To be late without his parents knowing where their only son was made them restless. Jimin would have to find a good story to escape the trouble his parents would give him when he returned to his home. 

Taehyung, on the other hand, had it different. His father probably didn't even give a shit if his son breathed or not, but when he didn't have his usual punching bag around, the monster became bigger. And when the monster became bigger, so were Taehyung's future bruises and cuts. 

They ran, rushing to get to their homes. 

The friends split ways, Jimin heading down one street while Taehyung went down another as they raced home, hoping their parents weren't in foul moods that day. 

Taehyung beat himself up. How could he forget to check the time? 

Fear lurched inside of him and he felt sick as he could only imagine the abuse his father would give him when he got home. 

Part of him just wanted to run away, but the other half knew that the longer he was away, the bigger the beating. It was just better to get it over with, in the end. 

Taehyung's feet carried him away from the sweeter part of the city until he was passing drug dealers and people who carried bottles that reeked of alcohol. The streets were dirtier here and the people looked more menacing, a few even eyeing Taehyung as he ran, but the boy dismissed it all as his father's wrath was his biggest concern. 

Finally he stopped in front of his broken down apartment building, running inside and up, skipping three steps at a time as he rushed up the stairs until he reached his floor, passing a person sleeping on the floor on his way up the staircases. 

He stopped in front of his door and fished his apartment keys out of the bottom of his backpack with shaking hands, knowing quite well what was going to happen. 

This happened every day, so why isn't he used to it by now? Why did he only seem to feel worse, his anxiety mounting even more each day. Why was he only getting worse instead of adapting? 

He slowly opened his door, his heart racing as he tried to stop panting and to calm down. Maybe he could be lucky and his father would still be out, maybe at one of the bars with other alcoholics as messed up as him. He hoped this is he quietly closed the door and tried to escape to his room. 

But Taehyung's hopes were shattered when he heard the footsteps and the gruff voice speak making him jump and his heart race even faster as he instinctively shut his eyes. 

"About fucking time you got home." Taehyung whimpered as he felt a strong hand grip onto his hair. 

"Where were you?" The voice asked, but Taehyung refused to open his eyes as he felt his hair being pulled, wincing from the pain. 

"Stupid bitch." His father cussed, throwing his son into a wall before landing his first punch. Which turned into six more. Then became fifteen. Then over twenty. 

Somewhere along the way, Taehyung slid to the ground. He cried out from the pain, but no tears streamed down his face. 

He coughed, spit flying from his mouth as he took another kick to the ribs from his father.

He wanted to scream until he lungs gave out. He wanted to have more of a reaction. He wanted to even cry like a normal person. But no matter how much he was in pain, no tears came. 

His father continued to yell at his son as he continued to beat him, but Taehyung heard nothing but ringing, kicks and punches hitting him with no mercy. 

Taehyung choked on air and struggled to breathe. The pain hurt like hell. 

The pain was so bad he eventually blacked out and his father walked away to pop another drink, leaving his son bleeding, bruised and unconscious on the floor. 

Taehyung woke up on the floor, his head pounding, his ears ringing and his body numb from the hurt. 

He stayed like that for a minute or two, slowly bringing up the will to carry himself up and maybe go out to relieve his pain. 

He swallowed, his throat like sandpaper as he, very slowly, sat up. Taehyung winced, his ribs felt as if they were on fire and every muscle in his body, from his head to his toes, felt as if they were dipped in gasoline and set ablaze. 

Taehyung slowly stood up, wanting to scream. His knees almost buckled but he managed to stay standing. 

Sighing, the bruised boy quietly walked out to the front door and grabbed his coat and shoes, not completely thinking. 

He just knew he didn't want to stay here for now. 

He wanted to numb his pain by the smallest bit. 

And what better way was there than a visit to a bar?


	5. Mystery Boy, Kim Taehyung

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just remember to stay healthy after each chapter and love yourself. Even if you don't think you mean anything, you're my everything and the best for me. 💜

Jungkook POV

"Honestly Jungkook, that was too harsh earlier today with the water bottle." His friend, Hoseok, said and Jungkook rolled my eyes. 

"It was supposed to be funny." he grumbled, crossing his arms as he shot a death glare to Hoseok, who sat beside their other two friends, Namjoon and Yoongi. 

"Whatever. We should be talking about Joonie's victory in that fight against Jackson this morning." Yoongi smirked, holding up his drink as he leaned on the counter of the bar they were currently in. Namjoon huffed at the nickname. 

Jungkook shrugged before downing his drink and asking the bartender for a few more, craving alcohol tonight. 

The four boys continued to talk about different topics, sometimes going towards Namjoon, Hoseok's and Yoongi's rapping shows then switching to the next party happening. This was their regular. Drinks and events were their lives ever since they became the 'popular' boys of their school.

The bar blasted loud music and people crowded the rooms, the reek of alcohol and smoke wafting throughout the whole bar. People laughed and flirted, couples made out in corners of the room. Friends got drunk together. 

Jungkook enjoyed bars and pubs. In here, people didn't have to worry about knowing others to have fun. You could loosen up and get wasted and nobody would judge. This is where people could drink away their stress and lighten their mood. It was his favourite place to go after a bad day. 

The bartender slid him his drinks and he took a sip from the strong liquid as he watched the people dance and crowd everywhere. His eyes caught sight of a familiar face and he perked up a little bit, looking for the same face. But whoever it was disappeared in the ocean of people. Jungkook shrugged it off and continued enjoying his drink as he talked with his friends. 

Taehyung POV

His body buzzed with the effect of alcohol and he was fully drunk. 

Taehyung giggled as he sat on one of the bar stools, taking shot after shot just to numb the pain he felt, externally and internally. 

Music blasted and he wanted to dance, if only he wasn't so self conscious, Taehyung would join the crowd. Instead he sang along to the tune, nobody was able to hear him since the music was so loud you could hear almost nothing else. 

After a few more shots, Taehyung staggered to his feet and grew more confident, actually joining the crowd to dance, a drunken smile on his face as he brushed his bangs out of my eyes. 

People grinded and danced, the smell of alcohol filling his nose. 

Taehyung laughed as he danced, not caring now if anyone saw him. 

He was drunk and his pain felt numb. The alcohol flowed through him and made him feel alive, giving him a sort of buzz as he walked around the bar, dancing or downing shots until he couldn't even form proper words. 

Jungkook POV

Hours passed and finally, Namjoon, Hoseok, Yoongi and Jungkook decided to head back to their own places. 

Namjoon was fully drunk and Hoseok was slightly tipsy, leaving a minorly tipsy Yoongi and Jungkook to drive the idiots home. 

"I can take them home, I think." Yoongi said, looking over at the younger as they dragged the two others towards the exit of the bar. 

"Are you sure?" Jungkook asked, raising an eyebrow as he looked back at Hoseok who was crying over a sad part in a disney movie he had watched a week ago and Namjoon giggling to himself over something that didn't make sense. 

"Yeah." Yoongi said, dragging Hoseok by the hand as Jungkook pulled Namjoon along and out of the bar. "Are you going to take a cab?" Yoongi asked, pulling some of his dyed blonde hair out of his eyes as they exited the loud bar and into the dark streets of the city, slowly walking over to Yoongi's car. 

Namjoon giggled once again and Hoseok sobbed as he tried muttering something about Nemo. 

"You sure you don't want me to give you a ride too? We all came in one car anyways." Yoongi looked doubtful about leaving Jungkook alone at the bar at night, but Jungkook smiled his bunny smile. 

"Of course. I'm turning eighteen pretty soon anyways, so I need to learn the key to independence." Yoongi chuckled but nodded as the both of them ushered their two drunk friends into his car. 

Yoongi ruffled Jungkook's brown hair, smiling. "Be good kid. And if anyone tries anything, destroy their soul or I'll do it for you." Jungkook giggled. 

"Yeah yeah, hyung, just get going." 

"Alright, goodnight." Yoongi walked towards the driver seat of his car and entered, turning on the engine and, with a salute towards Jungkook, he drove away with drunk Namjoon and Hoseok. 

Jungkook chuckled as he took his phone out of his jeans pocket to dial the number for a cab until he felt someone stumble into him. 

He accidentally dropped his phone and he fell forward a few steps. 

"Hey!" Jungkook said angrily, sending a death glare to whovere bumped into him. His glare dropped when he found a familiar boy standing a few feet away, smiling to himself. 

It was that boy he had dumped water on earlier that day. What was his name? Taehyong? Taehyang? No- Taehyung. 

"Oh! Sorry~" Taehyung said and Jungkook just stared at him in confusion. He was definitely drunk. 

Jungkook watched the other boy try to walk away, taking uneven steps as he hummed some weird tune to himself. 

Jungkook huffed before going over to pick up his phone, which, thankfully, didn't have any cracks. 

Sighing he went to dial the number again, quickly calling a cab before he turned back into the direction where Taehyung stood. 

He watched as the drunk boy tried to keep walking, but he ended up looking more like a zombie as he stumbled and almost fell multiple times. It was sort of amusing. 

Then his amusement faded away when he caught sight of a dark mark on Taehyung's face. Then he felt confused. Was it maybe just the lighting? It was pretty dark out and the street lights in this part of the city weren't too good. 

Before Jungkook could even think about what he was doing, he called out Taehyung's name. 

"Taehyung." He shouted, gaining the attention of the drunk boy, who turned back to look at Jungkook and he stumbled over, coming closer and closer until the sober boy was shocked to find he was right and there were large bruises all over the boy's face. 

"What the...." He stared at the boys face, Taehyung giggling drunkenly. 

Jungkook took in the swollen eye and the yellow and blue bruises littering his face. There was a cut just above his eyebrow and faint specks of blood littered the sides of his head. 

In his peripheral vision, he saw the flash of his cab as it slowly pulled up and Jungkook was forced to make a decision. 

Leave a drunk Taehyung, a boy he barely even knew and even attempted to embarrass earlier that day, at a shady part of town at night and return home or to pay extra and take him home with this cab as well. 

Jungkook stood there for a second and held up a finger to the cab driver, who rolled his eyes and went on his phone while he waited. 

"Hey Taehyung, how about I take you home?" Jungkook asked and he saw the tear overcome the drunk boy's face. 

"No!" Taehyung almost shouted, suddenly a lot more alert and scared and Jungkook literally jumped at the boy's sudden outburst. "I'm not going home!" He said, his voice slowly raising. 

Jungkook huffed. What could he do? He groaned. His parents were gone for the week so he would be able to take the drunk boy home. But did he want to take the boy to his house? Hell no. But did you really have an option? Hell no. 

"How about you come in the car with me and we at least leave this place?" Jungkook suggested, holding out a hand as he pointed at the cab. 

It took Taehyung a moment to register what he was saying but when he did, the drunk boy shrugged and started walking to the taxi. "Sure." 

That was easy. Jungkook couldn't help but feel shocked at how simple that was. Just another reason to take Taehyung home before somebody else took him home and put him in a much worse situation. 

When the two of them entered the taxi, the cab asked for the address and they were off towards Jungkook's house, Taehyung silent as he hummed to himself and played with his fingers. Jungkook sat awkwardly as he stared out the window, the situation extremely weird to him.

Sure Jungkook had seen Taehyung around school before. They even had some classes together. But he had never seen him actually speak to any one other than his one friend with the faded orange hair. 

Taehyung had originally caught his eye because of his hair, which has bright blue tips at the ends, his bangs hanging over his eyes. Jungkook would be lying if he ever said he hadn't found the boy attractive, but he found everyone attractive, so it wasn't a big deal. 

They drove in silence and Jungkook listened to Taehyung's humming, slightly smiling as he recognized one of the tunes to be "Whatcha Say" by Jason Derulo. A literal meme. 

When the cab finally stopped, Jungkook quickly paid the driver before him and Taehyung exited and walked up the front steps of Jungkook's home, which was huge. 

The sober boy couldn't help but chuckle when he saw Taehyung's gape in awe at his large home before they entered. 

"Woah!" Taehyung glanced around when he stepped inside the house, taking in the divine furniture decor that made the home look so exquisite and beautiful. The two boys made eye contact and Taehyung smiled at him. He fucking smiled. And Jungkook died. 

He had only seen the boy's smile maybe once or twice, but when he received the grin, he noticed the weird shape his mouth formed whenever he beamed. 

Taehyung was certainly in awe as Jungkook led him through his home, leading him up the stairs and to his room.   
His house may look amazing and something that only a very wealthy family could own, but Jungkook hated it. To him, this wasn't a home he wanted. Sure it was big, but what was the point of a large home if you didn't have a family to occupy it? His parents were away all the time making the money to own this house and the four others they owned in and out of the city. His brother was never at home and Jungkook always spent his time alone on the rare times he would stay at his house. 

To him, this beautiful place was just another boring page in his life. 

When he opened the door to his room and led Taehyung inside, he took his coat off and threw it on his bed without care. 

When he turned towards the drunk boy who stood in his doorway, he found him staring at the ground with a blank gaze. 

It was silent. To Taehyung, the silence was comfortable and something the drunk boy settled in, lost in his blurred thoughts, the alcohol still strong in his bloodstream. To Jungkook, the silence was awkward. 

The realization that Jungkook had a boy he didn't even know two hours before now standing in his bedroom, drunk. Jungkook had the opportunity to ruin this boy, right here and now, but that didn't interest him at the moment. The sober boy was mildly surprised to find that he actually felt responsible for the drunk Taehyung at the moment, not wanting bad things to happen while the new boy was still vulnerable.

"How about I set up the air mattress while you get changed?" Jungkook said in a light voice, dragging Taehyung from his thoughts, the boy's glazed eyes landing on him. He slowly smiled and nodded. 

Jungkook chuckled before turning around and grabbing a pair of sweats and a sweatshirt from his closet, tossing them over to Taehyung who dropped them by accident and giggled before picking them up and stumbling back towards the door. 

"Taehyung." Jungkook called out, sighing. The drunk boy turning, humming a response. The sober boy pointed to a door across his room, which led to his bathroom ensuite. With that, Taehyung shuffled towards the door, unfazed by the fact that he was walking into the bathroom of a boy he barely knew. 

Moments passed and soon Taehyung had exited with his clothes changed, rubbing his eyes in exhaustion as he watched Jungkook place some blankets on the small air mattress that sat as far away as the sober boy could place it from his own bed. 

"'M tired." Taehyung said, slurring the words in a drunken tone as he yawned. Jungkook nodded. 

"Well the bed is right here." He stepped away from the air matress to let Taehyung lay down. The drunk boy didn't have to be told twice, because as soon as he rested his head on the soft pillow Jungkook had given him, he was lights out in just a second. 

Soon, Jungkook could hear Taehyung's soft snoring and he sighed. What was he doing? He didn't even know this boy. Why was he being so nice to him? 

He gently stepped around the air matress and made the way to his own bed. 

There were a few questions that ran through his head as he laid down, closing his eyes and tucking his body under multiple blankets, since he gets cold at night. 

Why was he being so nice to Taehyung, a boy he barely knew? 

Why was Taehyung at that bar alone earlier?   
Why did he have those bruises? 

Jungkook fell asleep pondering the backstory to Taehyung. Was there something the strange boy was hiding? Did he get drunk often? Why were there so many bruises so randomly? 

Memories of earlier flashed through his brain. 

Memories of pouring water onto this exact boy's head, attempting to humiliate him to entertain his friends. 

Why did the boy have little to no reaction? 

Finally, Jungkook felt his brain starting to slow and one last query came to mind before he let his dreams take him. 

Who was Taehyung?


	6. Big Boys Don’t Cry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay happy and keep your thoughts light for me please. I want you to know you're amazing and one of the best people ever 💜

Taehyung POV

Taehyung looked around, taking in his surroundings. 

It was a sunny day and the laughter of children filled his ears as he turned to see a playground filled with laughing kids, parents chatting to each other as their young ones played together. 

The sky over head was clear and bright blue. The grass below a dark shade of emerald green. The scene was truly beautiful. 

"Tae!" A familiar voice called and Taehyung heart leapt into his throat as he whipped his head around. There, standing before him, was the woman who made his heart ache. 

His mother stood with a smile on her lips and her hands on her hips as she looked down at her son, Taehyung seeming a lot shorter than he was in reality. 

"Mo-Mom?" Taehyung stuttered as he gazed up at his mother, who smiled. 

She stood tall and proud, her black hair hung loose in front of her face and her clothes were baggy and old, being since she didn't have any more money to buy much more than that. 

Her clothes may of looked worn and her face may of had early wrinkles, but her smile and eyes still twinkled. That fire was still there in her dark irises as she looked down at her son with a loving gaze. 

Then the scene changed. He remained looking up at his mother, but everything was different. Everything was wrong. 

They were in their old apartment, Taehyung barely remembering since him and his father had moved when he was just three. 

There he stood, staring up at his mother in their old bathroom. Yet, now, he felt sick at the sight in front of him. 

His mother hung up above, a noose made of wire wrapped around her neck, her body limp. 

Taehyung stared at his mother. He wanted to scream. He wanted to puke. Instead, he cried. 

His mother's eyes were dull and lifeless, remaining open as she stared down at the floor. Her hair hung in front of her face, covering the bruise that painted one side of her face. 

He felt tears stream down his face as he looked up at his dead mother. 

Taehyung felt the old feelings of the confusion. Why did his mother kill herself? Didn't she love him? Why would she leave him? 

These questions hit the boy's head as he crumpled to the cold tiles of the bathroom floor, breaking down in sobs.

The scene changed again and the tears remained on his face, though his mother's corpse was gone and instead, he laid in their old living room. 

Taehyung still remembered that day. The day of his first beating at the age of three and a half. 

Taehyung shrieked as his father punched him. The boy's nose was bleeding and his body hurt, screaming from the new agony that hit him like waves. He had never been hurt like this before. 

He yelled out as he felt another sharp kick to his side, tears streaming down his face. 

His father slowed his hits until he finally stopped and spat on Taehyung's face. 

"Stop crying you little bitch." Taehyung sobbed, never hearing such harsh words. "No wonder your mother killed herself." 

With that, he felt shattered as he laid on the floor, the old tears streaming down his face until he managed to control his feelings. 

His father was right. Nobody ever cared about crybabies like him, so he was the reason why his mother was dead. Maybe if he didn't cry, he could keep whoever he loved safe in the future. 

Besides. He was a big boy. And big boys learn not to cry.   
___

Taehyung slowly woke up, quietly groaning. He felt scared at the moment and his first instinct was to cuddle. That's what his mother used to do. So the half asleep Tae slowly crept from his spot on the mattress and over to the first warm being he saw, wanting the feel of protection when he fell back asleep again.

Taehyung's eyes snapped open and he was welcomed with a headache. He went to sit up before he discovered a body laying in front of him. 

Out of instinct, he screamed. 

Jungkook woke up and found Taehyung screaming beside him, making him yell in surprise and fall off his bed. 

What had happened?


	7. Panic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you ever need a decent reason as to why life should be worth living: Look at all the colours. From the sky and it’s shades to the grass beneath your feet. Everything is so amazing, and it’s astonishing how much people never think about it too much.

Taehyung screamed and sat up as Jungkook fell off his bed. What the hell? What had happened? 

When he looked down at the boy who stared at him from off the floor, he recognized him as one of the popular kids from his school. 

Something around the name of Jungkok? Jungkuk? Wait. Taehyung tried placing the name on the boy who sat on the floor, staring at him in disbelief. 

"Jungkook?" He said aloud and the boy on the floor just gulped. 

"Why the fuck are you in my bed?" Jungkook asked, looking at Taehyung. He did remember what happened the night before, but he had given Taehyung an air mattress to use so he wouldn't have to share a bed with the drunk boy. 

"What the- why the fuck are you even here?" Taehyung asked, rubbing his temples at the growing ache behind his head. 

"This is my house sherlock. I took you here because you were drunk and refused to let me take you home." Jungkook said with a 'duh' face, picking himself up from off the floor to look at the boy with a hard stare. 

Taehyung stayed silent. Instead, he felt his ears heat up. 

That's before he realized he was in an unfamiliar shirt and sweatpants. Then his whole face heated up until he took the complete resemblance of a tomato. 

Light seeped through Jungkook's bedroom windows, giving the room lighting for the two boys to look at each other properly and Jungkook actually saw all of Taehyung's bruises. 

His left eye was almost swollen shut, a large ring of yellow circling that patch of his face. His lip looked like it had been ripped, due to the red scab that slid down a part of his bottom lip. Taehyung's hair was askew and Jungkook couldn't help but chuckle at how much of a crazy person he looked like at the moment. 

Taehyung slowly shifted off the bed and onto his feet, staring at the ground in embarrassment. He had never slept at anybody else's home before. 

Nobody was close to him other than Jimin, and Jimin had his reasons not to bring Taehyung home. 

"They scream at each other every night." Jimin kept reminding him, making Taehyung drop the subject a long time ago. 

He had never had a sleepover. Never once in his life. 

And now here he was. At a home. Of some kid he didn't even really know. Wow. What a blast. 

"Would you like to stay for breakfast?" Jungkook asked out of kindness and he received a confused look from Taehyung. 

"You don't want me to leave right now?" The now hungover boy asked, scratching his head as he raised an eyebrow. Jungkook shrugged. "....Whatever, I guess." 

With that, the younger of the two walked to the door and Taehyung followed slowly, slightly hesitant. He didn't feel hungry to be honest. His headache from the drinks the night before and he still felt exhausted. But when don't you? A voice in his head chided, making him chuckle at his own thoughts. 

"What?" Jungkook looked over his shoulder as the two of them slowly made their way to the grand kitchen of the house, the light colour schemes hurting Taehyung's eyes. 

"Nothing." The elder mumbled, glancing around the house as they walked, taking in the beautiful paintings and decorations that dotted the halls of the big home. "Your house sure is huge." 

Jungkook sighed. "Yeah, I guess." 

The two continued in an awkward silence, neither knowing what to say. But what was there to say without making it anymore awkward? All that went through Taehyung's mind was; Did I say anything while I was drunk? Why did I sleep with him? What the fuck. Why is he being nice? 

"What would you like to eat?" Jungkook asked, feeling shy as he led the new boy into his kitchen. Taehyung shrugged. "Okay then." And with that, the bunny boy began to make the first food that came to mind. Which was the chicken nuggets he had been eyeing the day before. 

The two boys rested in silence as Jungkook shuffled the nuggets onto the pan and set a timer for the oven. It was calm and Taehyung enjoyed the quiet, not wanting to talk this new boy. But too bad life was never on his side. 

"So....what's your favourite colour?" Jungkook asked, wanting to break the silence and asking the first question that came to mind, instantly cringing after he said it. 

Taehyung raised an eyebrow but thought about it. He didn't really have much of a colour he preferred the most. He liked black because it was calm and dark. He enjoyed red because it was the sweet colour of the blood that would drip from his arm whenever he cut. He was fine with the hues of violet and indigo because they always decorated his skin. 

In the end Taehyung just simply shrugged. "I don't know." He said shortly before staying silent once again. 

His mind drifted to Jimin. He wanted to call his best friend. He wanted to talk to someone about what had happened the day before. He needed to smile again, for he feared that he might get an urge if he stayed here long enough. 

He thought of his father. Would he of noticed his son's absence? Probably. Meaning he would most likely have a few more bruises by the end of the day. 

It was a saturday, meaning neither him or Jungkook had school thankfully. He really did hope the dark haired boy who stood by the oven a few feet away wouldn't talk about today or the night before. 

Jungkook POV

"So...." He wasn't fond of the silence and he watched Taehyung faze back to reality. 

While Taehyung had zoned out, Jungkook had taken it as a chance to inspect the strange boy. 

He had brown hair with bright turquoise tips. His one eye was bruised and after Jungkook looked closer at the elder, he noticed smaller, less noticeable bruises and scraped which decorated different patches of his face. That certainly spiked his curiosity. 

"Did you get into a fight or something?" He asked, curiously raising his eyebrows as he looked into Taehyung's dark eyes for the first time. His eyes were dark pools of chocolate. But something seemed to be missing from them at the moment. The sort of lively fire or sparkle that most people had. Instead, his dark pools stayed like empty black holes. 

Taehyung raised an eyebrow as he looked back the bunny boy, wondering what the heck he meant by that question. 

Jungkook watched as it took the boy a few minutes until he had fully processed the question and understood what he was just asked. 

"Shit." 

Taehyung POV

"Shit." Taehyung cussed as the realization dawned on him. 

He covered his face, leaving gaps between his fingers so he was able to see, before he sprinted for the bathroom Taehyung had changed in the night before. 

He raced through the halls, panic flooding through him. It couldn't be too bad. Would Jungkook discover his father? Would Taehyung be exposed? 

He started to have a panic attack at the thought of it all. He could vaguely hear Jungkook calling his name, but he didn't listen as he raced through the house, finally stopping in front of the bathroom and slamming the door shut, staring into the bathroom mirror in shock. 

His eye was almost swollen shut, his lip was cut and multiple smaller bruises littered his face, some faded from beatings days before. He looked tired and gaunt, but that was no surprise. Had Taehyung forgotten to put on his makeup before leaving the house? 

When he thought back on it, he couldn't remember putting anything to cover his cuts and marks. He hadn't even thought he'd see someone he knew. 

"Fucking useless!" Taehyung told himself, gripping his hair in stress and trying to get his breathing steady. 

"Taehyung?" A voice called, and the boy sighed as he sat down, his back resting on the door as he closed his eyes. Why was his life so fucked up? 

After a second, Taehyung managed to call out. "Yeah?" He said, his voice shaky and hoarse. He hoped Jungkook wouldn't notice. 

"What's- are you okay?" He heard the boy ask on the other side of the door, concern clear in his voice. Taehyung just pulled on his hair even harder, the stress building up. 

What if his father ever found out? He could never tell anybody other than Jimin. If his father found out.... 

He let out a deep breath. He needed to collect himself. He needed to talk to someone. He needed to see Jimin. 

He stood up quickly, building up the strength to quickly open the door and leave. He didn't care if he left his clothes or that he was wearing Jungkook's clothes. He just needed. To. Leave. 

It was quiet for a second before he finally felt confident to open the door. 

When he jerked the door open suddenly, Jungkook jumped back, a mix of emotions displayed on his face, but Taehyung noticed how confused he was. 

Taehyung hesitated before quickly replying to his earlier question. 

"I don't know." He whispered before quickly making his way down the halls, ignoring Jungkook's calls. 

Finally he made it to the front door of the house and he escaped, leaving a shocked Jungkook standing inside the house, wondering why Taehyung was so freaked out. 

But at the moment, Taehyung didn't care about Jungkook. He felt fear. He only cared about how hard his father would hit him whenever Jungkook ratted him out.


End file.
